Some years ago, before I knew what Paganism was, I started to visualize aspects of my psyche as locations. Unsurprisingly, the place where my memories are stored became a library. And since I am continually thinking about and reacting to my environment, I created a figure to record this information and archive it. I called her The Scribe. Basically, she is a bookish version of myself, with the long single braid I used to wear, glasses (of course), and wearing comfortable robes. You Chaos Magic people might call her a construct, from what I understand: I "created" her, or she is a part of me. She is the steward of my history -- even the things I have repressed or forgotten. As such, she is something of an intermediary between my conscious and unconscious mind. Once, I asked her about recovering past life memories, if I had any. She led me down to a neglected area. Badly damaged books littered the room. Then "she" said, more or less:
"Every time you die, this library floods, or burns, or is ruined some other way. You can try to piece together stories from the scraps that remain. Maybe they will trigger something deep within you. But it would be a long and frustrating journey. Are you certain you want to begin?"
I still haven't answered. Of course, this was a staged conversation between me and myself, instead of an outside entity, and therefore was (almost) entirely under my control. But it helps, to visualize my mind thus. Plus it's a good mental exercise. Maybe someday I'll describe the library itself, and other locations.
I think that's really interesting, particularly that you see your Scribe as old you. I remember that you used to talk about channeling other people and characters. Knowing that you are channeling yourself essentially is nice. I see growth and love and acceptance in it. ^^
ReplyDeleteDoes the Scribe have a personality as well as just being an aspect of you? I see haughty, bored, and maybe a little domineering. You should let us know.
Well, she's a hardworking bookworm. There's little opportunity to be bored, with her job...though I have "caught" her snoozing at her desk when I'm unusually spacey. Haughty? Possibly. If you can call being overly serious "haughty." As for domineering...well, uh, at the moment she kind of runs the memory operation by herself. I suppose it fits? I don't know much beyond that.
DeleteI still sometimes feel like I channel characters, but not as often as before. I have traded some of that sensitivity for outside awareness, or at least worldly experience.
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