PBP: Crafting as Spellcraft

Sometimes, I make jewelry. I've crafted a couple wire rings, and a few bracelets, but my favorite thing to do is pendants and necklaces. Often, I just get this itch to craft something, so I sit down with my supplies and work with what feels right. In my deepest crafting-trances there's a corner of my mind that thinks I'm going crazy. But I've come out with some powerful stuff. Look:

Found length of copper wire, and hematite beads. 

It may not look like much, but this thing is heavy. It has resisted becoming a pendant, even though I added a thin bale; I just don't have the materials to wear it in a way it wants to be worn -- or if I do, I haven't figured it out yet. So it sits on my altar, soaking up the energy of the objects that surround it, until the idea comes to me.

I also can draw -- moderately well, better with reference. I am just skilled enough to have a chance that the images pressing for attention will come out right, and I get viciously disappointed when they do not (which is often). Coloring confounds me. As a result, my best works often begin as idle doodles. I have pulled some interesting things from my subconscious this way.

I want to be an apothecary and/or hedgewitch, damnnit.

Still not sure what this is. A minscape scene, perhaps? I was melancholy when I drew it.

So what am I getting at? Any artist or artisan worth their salt, no matter their world view, simply must pull from within themselves to create a meaningful piece. That's a bit of your soul, right there: on that scrap of paper, that clay bowl, inside that carved wood box or scattered in pixels on your computer screen. At very least, it's time and effort, a piece of your life. The process is similar to spellcasting, at least how I understand it: you set out with intent, take a dive into the Otherworld(s), and use your tools to make it happen and/or bring a part of it back. This can be draining...which is one of the reasons I am not a prolific artist. (The others are related to the overly high bar I set for myself.)

For the Spirit-deaf or -blocked, like I most likely am, art may be the best way to tap into the...other side. By "other side," I mean all incorporeal realms: mindscapes, the astral, lands of the Dead/Fey/Spirits, et cetera. (Fandoms, too.) I am lumping them together because I have no experience in consciously traveling them; they are not distinct to me -- yet. Perhaps that can change with persistent effort.

If you're curious about the other things I've managed to pull out of myself, scan, and post on the Internet, visit my Deviantart account.

PBP: Blackberry Season

I am shamelessly turning this into a Pagan Blog Project post, because I need a second B.

Today, instead of taking a 5-minute drive down the street, I took a fifteen minute walk to a store and back again. I am now slimy from the combination of sunscreen and sweat (you're welcome, for that mental image), but it was worth it. Doubly so because on the way back, I picked blackberries as I went. They were growing wild amid the landscaping and didn't seem to be targeted by anything harsher than pruning shears, so I figured, why not? I nearly filled my water bottle with them. I had to empty it to make room; but it made a nice expression of thanks for the thirsty plants. Water is easier for a human to come by.

Blackberries are rather special to me: I grew up in a suburban area, but with the benefit of a designated, no-can-touch greenbelt behind the backyard, so I had a wonderfully leafy view. Because it surrounds a streamlet, the land is swampy, and blackberry bushes crowd the ground level. Unfortunately, the neighborhood committee sometimes poisons the ones growing on the edges, to control the brambly tide, so I wasn't allowed to pick the fruit as a kid. I know now that they're an invasive species -- that's why they take over so easily. But their presence was welcome. In addition to the blackberries, that strip of land houses cottonwoods, alders, low-growing willows, indian plum trees, and a couple salmon berries. (At least the last two are native.) Someday, I'll remember to take pictures when I go back to visit my parents.

Speaking of pictures, I decided to share this bounty with the gods on my altars. There is no prayer behind these gestures; they're presents, and tokens of good will.

I recently bought a nice blend of green and white teas from Celestial Seasonings. I thought Kuanyin might like some, so I gave her a portion from my mug in addition to the fruit.

 

I dared not leave Hekate out.

And even though Athena has been quiet lately, I decided to put two berries in her offertory dish, too.

Now, sometime tonight, I'll have to move or break down my altar so it doesn't get paint on it when the porch door is finished up. It would be all right if I was the one doing the painting, but I'm not. Call me a hermit, but I do not enjoy strangers entering my home, even on legitimate business. If it was up to be, the apartment complex would have never been painted in the first place....grumble-mumble. On the bright side, maybe I'll have new altar pictures to show you soon; that arrangement in front of Hekate is, I feel, out of date.

PBP: C is for Carnelian

I attempted a second B post for the Pagan Blog Project. But when I tried to write about my beliefs and thoughts on the nature of belief in general, the result was a lot of me talking about things I knew next to nothing about. So, I decided to skip ahead. The following is more or less copied from my journal.

Stone Impressions: Carnelian

Carnelian is one of my favorite stones, for its vibrant orange-red color, translucency, and pretty banding. It's a kind of quartz, variety chalcedony, which as far as I understand it means it doesn't grow in visible pointed crystals. I own a string of beads I got at a street fair, a ring from a bead shop, and a bracelet made from it and bloodstone that I found at Goodwill.

According to the snippet of info I got at the local Pagan bookstore, carnelian facilitates creativity and is good for the 1st and/or 2nd chakras (don't remember which). Honestly, I wonder how many of these "official" crystal uses were/are derived solely from a stone's mundane properties, such as color. Not that that isn't a valid starting point, but...Okay, some of the metaphysical descriptions I've read smell of bullshit. And I have a low tolerance for bullshit. I considered buying one of those big crystal guidebooks, to save myself work, but once I figured out they were essentially the author's personal impressions, seasoned with scientific info, I decided I would be an idiot if I spent $20+ dollars on it. I have several rock identification textbooks and a gemstone-focused geology class under my belt. I could do the rest myself. And if there's one thing I can get a mind-feel for, it's stones. (And crafted objects. But that's a story for another day.)

So, let me chat with my ring, and I'll get back to you.

Five days later...

So, I couldn't get a feel for my ring. I wasn't in the right frame of mind, it had soaked up too much of my energy, and/or it was being an elusive bastard. But today I was excited to find a large piece of tumbled and polished carnelian at the bookstore, and it has a much bolder "signature."

 

(Reminds me of a dried apricot.)

 As with all the carnelian I've encountered, it...kind of clears my head -- this one almost emptied it completely when I held it near my forehead, and not in a pleasant way, either. So, note to self: keep away from third eye?

I haven't properly meditated with it yet, because I am undisciplined/unpracticed in the art. However, this stone is like a small, comfortably warm fire in my hand. This is not a substance for introspection, but for getting things done.

Paga Blog Project: B is for Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab

Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab makes perfume oils. Amazing perfume oils inspired by literature, mythology, and a touch of fantasy. Ever wanted to smell like a cold, wet forest? Try Nocnitsa [1]. That was the one that hooked me. I was amazed that someone could put that precise scent in a little 5 mL bottle. Not surprisingly, people can and do use them in their religious practices. I am one of them.

First, and most obviously, there's the method of anointing yourself or an object with an appropriate oil for a ritual or spell. I've only done this once, as part of a little service to honor Hekate at the new moon. I wore the scent that bears her name [2] on my skin. In theory, being cloaked in scent would help create a working space, and help me focus...But that time, the ritual fell flat. The phone-line to Deity was connected, but I didn't have anything to say, so I just...listened to the dial tone. (I realized later that I was wearing my Athena owl necklace during the whole thing. That may have contributed to the awkwardness.) I intend to try again at the next new moon, if not sooner.

(Sidenote: The owner and prime perfumer, Beth, is a pagan too, and also provides "charged" ritual oils at Twilight Alchemy Lab. From what I've read by the people who've used them, they pack quite a punch.)

Most of the time, though, I use my selection for a far more basic purpose: to prepare for the day ahead. It can be just as effective as using it for a spell. I call it "perfuming with intent." For example, I've dabbed on Athens[3] for Athena when I need a little strength. (Or Whip[4], when I want to be a SECRET DOMINATRIX. Ahem.) Simple psychology, right? But it's effective. Not to mention the compliments you'll get because you smell so good and/or interesting...

Does anyone else use scents as a part of their craft? I'd like to know!

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Official descriptions:
[1] "Also known as Krisky, Plaksy and Gorska Makua, she is a nightmare spirit, the Night Hag of the Woods, who haunts Polish, Russian, Bulgarian and Slovak children during the darkest hours. The only protection against her torments is a circle drawn around a child's cradle with a knife, or an axe or protective poppet hidden under the floorboards beneath where a child sleeps. Her scent is that of a lightless fir wood, nighttime air, wet forest mosses and upturned earth."

[2] "Magnificent three-faced Goddess of Magic, the Dark Moon and the Crossroads. She is the Mother of Witches, and the midnight baying of hounds is her paean. Her compassion is evidenced in her role as Psychopomp for Persephone, and her wrath manifests as Medea's revenge. Deep, buttery almond layered over myrrh and dark musk."

[3] "A reformulation and modernization of a true Classical Greek perfume, myrrhine: voluptuous myrrh, golden honey, red wine, and sweet flowers"

[4] "Agony and ecstasy: black leather and damp red rose."

Pagan Blog Project 2: "A" is for Otherworldly Awareness

Full title: "Otherworldly Awareness, And How I Get By With Very Little Of It"

I have a confession. I call myself a pagan, but have little contact and discourse with spirits. I know they're there -- I've read too many true accounts to say otherwise -- and sometimes I feel like I've brushed past a...something, but I cannot say I've shared a meal with a land spirit or joked around with a god. I'm honestly not that sensitive. Nor do I want to be, because from the sound of it, it can be...unpleasant and distracting. One of my former coworkers once told me how she went to a series of plays (theater was her thing) in a building that was on the site of bad Native American and European interactions. The atmosphere was so hostile that she and her sensitive friend had to run outside every intermission and catch their breath. A close friend of mine is an empath. I seem to have a talent for finding and befriending pagan-leaning people. (And GLBT people; the two often go together. I suppose that's another story.) I can do this, but I couldn't tell you if I have a guardian spirit or not. It is a limitation I find incredibly frustrating -- yet I am afraid of trying to climb that wall, because of the scary and dangerous crap that may happen on the other side. This is a common theme in my life.

Perhaps I should explain a little. I was an acutely anxious child. Pretty much anything new was terrifying just because it was unknown. And then depression crept in at puberty. Real life just hurt too much. So what did I do? I wove a dense cocoon of not-feeling around myself and retreated inward, into subworlds I created. Those, at least, were mostly under my control. It took incessant needling from a friend (Byakko) to poke a hole in that cocoon, then tear it open. She urged me to have opinions, where before I had none. This was a good thing, in the end, but gods, it hurt. Her influence, going away to college, and the people I met there helped me shrug off the heaviest of the threads. (And Celexa. Let's not forget the correct antidepressants.) But while I was within...Well, if you ever find a version of Tolkien's Mirkwood while astral-walking that features a red-haired elf-guard, let me know. Even at the time I realized it was an elaborate metaphor for my own depression and/or my entire mindscape, but I sunk almost four years of my life into that place. It wouldn't surprise me if it's still around somewhere besides my own mind (and Byakko's to a degree). I'll elaborate on this in another post...possibly under M for Muses.

I emerged from that experience incredibly soul-tired, and bitter. I realized I could not live entirely in my own head anymore. Either I could have internal awareness, or external awareness -- not both at once. And I opted for the latter. So maybe you can understand why I am reluctant to make an effort to, in a way, throw open that door again.

So how do I practice? I keep an eye out for coincidences that may actually be more than that, and follow my hunches. I balance this awareness with common sense. For instance, I see crows every day. This does not mean that The Morrigan is trying to contact me. I might think so if they did something unusual, and, say, in a group of three. And I'd follow it up with good old-fashioned research, to see if anything else stood out. The gods/spirits can still reach me. They just have to be louder about it. For example, I was intrigued by Hekate, but figured she'd want nothing to do with me, or that I had no reason to petition her for anything. It took a piece of art, some moths flying like cinders under a lamp, and a thunderstorm all in one day to convince me otherwise. :)

Maybe I'll have a breakthrough someday. Until then, I'll just muddle along, same as always.

Crossroads

So today stuff happened at work. I got in trouble for one of those "damned if you do, damned if you don't" situations, the manager scolded me, and I cried -- after the phone conversation was over. But I still think my course of action was right; I refuse to reward anyone who threatens and whines like a bratty kid, no matter how much money they'll spend.

My point is, Hekate warned me. Today I gave her a dried apricot and some incense in addition to the honey of the last two nights, in thanks. I also rearranged the stones in front of her portrait, because the previous pattern was no longer needed.

I cannot quit my job immediately, but I will redouble my efforts to find other employment. The last of my sense of obligation snapped free today.

Pagan Blog Project 1: A is for Altar Overhaul

Well, I was planning to talk about something else for my first Pagan Blog Project entry (maybe I'll do that for the second "A" prompt), but today Hekate, who had been lurking about, thumped me over the head with a piece of art I found at a local Pagan shop and demanded a spot on my altar. Mine has felt stagnant lately, so I obliged.

(A photo from when I first set it up in February. In the course of the last few months, it fell into disrepair. I wanted to change it, and fitfully shifted stuff around, but nothing felt right.)

I worked by intuition. I moved the shell moon and sun windspinner down to be more a part of the altar space, instead of a wall decoration. Thus I wound up with a day/night theme. The moon neatly coincided with where I put the Hekate devotional. The Athena owl statue got moved back to Sunlitgarden's and my shared space; there wasn't a spot for her. I have a hunch she didn't want to be too close to Guanyin or the Lady of the Crossroads. I hope Athena isn't too annoyed...

(On the upside, she got her own little offertory dish.)

Here are a couple of shots of what it looks like now.

Full view.

Light side. I made the 3-point wooden symbol myself. The pieces lock together in a kind of puzzle.

Dark side.

(...I think I made an energy grid. From base to top, left to right: the copper and hematite tangle I made, something dark with translucent white spots, blue tiger's eye, red jasper, A MASSIVE LUMP OF HEMATITE, and red tiger's eye(??) banded with black & grey. All I know is it's for Hekate, as are the three candles. I have a hunch the grid has something to do with the path ahead. Forgive the shitty photo.)

(Other objects used, clockwise from bowl: a chestnut, a piece of rose quartz for Guanyin, a clay pendant with a spiral on it I made in gradeschool, serpentite, a glass shard, and an unidentified greyish-purple stone. And a new wand.)

I found a wand today, too. It is carved from Hornbeam, which is a plant I do not believe I have actually seen alive. I spent more money than I intended, but it called to me. The wood is wonderfully pale and smooth. Wikipedia tells me it is nicknamed "ironwood" for its density. According to the description on the tag, "Hornbeam is a lucky wood. It brings good fortune to the bearer. This wood is the bringer of change. It helps promote love and creativity." And, "Hornbeam helps promote creative expression, eloquence, and art of all types. It aids in opening a person up to their full potential." Fitting. I would have chosen it anyway, but...yeah. I could use some change.

Before today, I felt burdened by the expectations of others, and my own unfulfilled wishes. They hung like a huge weight over my head. Now, I feel like things could move soon, in my favor. Maybe it has something to do with giving a little money to the Ganesh statues at the store. That, and I had a good outing with Sunlitgarden today. ^_^ We so rarely get the same days off work, it's a treat to go out and do things together.

Postscript: One more thing. At the Pagan shop, Sunlitgarden, a Bast follower, found an adorable plushy of her Goddess.

(Isn't it the cutest thing?)

With my super serious Hekate image, there was a lot of deity in the car on the drive home!