PBP: A ramble about Artemis-Diana

I could talk about a number of things from this week that start with the letter A: Athena, Art, Anxiety...I had a few paragraphs about the last one, but it was mostly rehashing the same old stuff -- the same old crap.

But I have a due-date, so I'll come up with something.

....

Here we go: Artemis-Diana has been in my thoughts a lot over the past few days. I combined the Greek and Roman names because I'm not sure which it is. (Also, we're not at the letter D prompts yet. :-P ) And just for the record, when I'm talking about her, I am thinking of a half-feral, "turn you into a deer and hunt you for sport if you look at her the wrong way" kind of deity, not the eye candy she appears as in some paintings.

(I'm looking at you. Giampietrino. Not that you weren't talented.)

Thalia Took's image is the closest I've seen to my impressions of her, faint though they may be.

Oddly enough, she has one for Diana, too -- as a separate and distinct entity.

Now I am not nearly as knowledgeable about Roman gods as the Greek, mostly because I have assumed that the Roman versions were basically copies, and that the Greek ones, since they are older, are the original...more "authentic," if you will. But something in this image is telling me differently. Also, I was kind of an ass for thinking that. Duly noted.

Looking at this picture, I smell damp forest earth, and can imagine what the frog feels like perched on the back of my hand. And tonight is the New Moon. Should I do something for Hekate, as (from what info I have gathered) is traditional, or sit down and listen to this new presence? I think we both know the answer to that question.

PBP: Functions of Altars

While pondering what to write about, I hit upon a basic question: "What is the purpose of an altar?" Since I still consider myself a newbie to acting on my personal Pagan path, I thought it was a valid question. Hopefully other people out there will find the answer worth reading.

So, an altar is or can be:

1.) A place to contact, worship, and/or work with gods and/or spirits.
2.) A place to cast spells, if you do that, or perform other rituals.
3.) An arrangement of things of sentimental and/or symbolic importance. Example: a photo of your deceased grandpa, with his favorite watch in front of it.

I mostly use mine for scenario 1, and almost never for the second. (I am far too wary of unforeseen consequences.) Sunlitgarden (my partner) and I have a shared one in the last category. It developed naturally on top of a bookshelf, with stuff we liked: candles, interesting rocks, feathers, and trinkets from friends. I'm not sure what it's for, exactly. Symbolic of our togetherness, perhaps? Regardless, a friend once remarked that it was quite powerful precisely because of its unplanned growth. That was years ago. Now, Bast has the left side, for lack of her own shelf, and I maintain a tiny space for Athena on the opposite end. So The Joint Altar, as we sometimes call it, has been reorganized several times.

Here is another thing to consider. While an altar is an excellent workstation, it is not the only place to open yourself up. I realized I was boxing myself into the idea that Important Spiritual Events can only (deliberately) happen in the spaces you set for them. This is an easy trap to fall into, as someone who is not sensitive to said spirits and/or Otherworld activity. Not only is the notion wrong -- it's probably dangerous, too. Analogous, perhaps, to crossing a busy street blindfolded. (No, that's not quite accurate.) But there's is definitely a problematic assumption there, of "If I can't see the audience, they can't see me!"

...Now I need to reorganize my altar space. It is in sore need of it.

Pagan Blog Project 2: "A" is for Otherworldly Awareness

Full title: "Otherworldly Awareness, And How I Get By With Very Little Of It"

I have a confession. I call myself a pagan, but have little contact and discourse with spirits. I know they're there -- I've read too many true accounts to say otherwise -- and sometimes I feel like I've brushed past a...something, but I cannot say I've shared a meal with a land spirit or joked around with a god. I'm honestly not that sensitive. Nor do I want to be, because from the sound of it, it can be...unpleasant and distracting. One of my former coworkers once told me how she went to a series of plays (theater was her thing) in a building that was on the site of bad Native American and European interactions. The atmosphere was so hostile that she and her sensitive friend had to run outside every intermission and catch their breath. A close friend of mine is an empath. I seem to have a talent for finding and befriending pagan-leaning people. (And GLBT people; the two often go together. I suppose that's another story.) I can do this, but I couldn't tell you if I have a guardian spirit or not. It is a limitation I find incredibly frustrating -- yet I am afraid of trying to climb that wall, because of the scary and dangerous crap that may happen on the other side. This is a common theme in my life.

Perhaps I should explain a little. I was an acutely anxious child. Pretty much anything new was terrifying just because it was unknown. And then depression crept in at puberty. Real life just hurt too much. So what did I do? I wove a dense cocoon of not-feeling around myself and retreated inward, into subworlds I created. Those, at least, were mostly under my control. It took incessant needling from a friend (Byakko) to poke a hole in that cocoon, then tear it open. She urged me to have opinions, where before I had none. This was a good thing, in the end, but gods, it hurt. Her influence, going away to college, and the people I met there helped me shrug off the heaviest of the threads. (And Celexa. Let's not forget the correct antidepressants.) But while I was within...Well, if you ever find a version of Tolkien's Mirkwood while astral-walking that features a red-haired elf-guard, let me know. Even at the time I realized it was an elaborate metaphor for my own depression and/or my entire mindscape, but I sunk almost four years of my life into that place. It wouldn't surprise me if it's still around somewhere besides my own mind (and Byakko's to a degree). I'll elaborate on this in another post...possibly under M for Muses.

I emerged from that experience incredibly soul-tired, and bitter. I realized I could not live entirely in my own head anymore. Either I could have internal awareness, or external awareness -- not both at once. And I opted for the latter. So maybe you can understand why I am reluctant to make an effort to, in a way, throw open that door again.

So how do I practice? I keep an eye out for coincidences that may actually be more than that, and follow my hunches. I balance this awareness with common sense. For instance, I see crows every day. This does not mean that The Morrigan is trying to contact me. I might think so if they did something unusual, and, say, in a group of three. And I'd follow it up with good old-fashioned research, to see if anything else stood out. The gods/spirits can still reach me. They just have to be louder about it. For example, I was intrigued by Hekate, but figured she'd want nothing to do with me, or that I had no reason to petition her for anything. It took a piece of art, some moths flying like cinders under a lamp, and a thunderstorm all in one day to convince me otherwise. :)

Maybe I'll have a breakthrough someday. Until then, I'll just muddle along, same as always.

Pagan Blog Project 1: A is for Altar Overhaul

Well, I was planning to talk about something else for my first Pagan Blog Project entry (maybe I'll do that for the second "A" prompt), but today Hekate, who had been lurking about, thumped me over the head with a piece of art I found at a local Pagan shop and demanded a spot on my altar. Mine has felt stagnant lately, so I obliged.

(A photo from when I first set it up in February. In the course of the last few months, it fell into disrepair. I wanted to change it, and fitfully shifted stuff around, but nothing felt right.)

I worked by intuition. I moved the shell moon and sun windspinner down to be more a part of the altar space, instead of a wall decoration. Thus I wound up with a day/night theme. The moon neatly coincided with where I put the Hekate devotional. The Athena owl statue got moved back to Sunlitgarden's and my shared space; there wasn't a spot for her. I have a hunch she didn't want to be too close to Guanyin or the Lady of the Crossroads. I hope Athena isn't too annoyed...

(On the upside, she got her own little offertory dish.)

Here are a couple of shots of what it looks like now.

Full view.

Light side. I made the 3-point wooden symbol myself. The pieces lock together in a kind of puzzle.

Dark side.

(...I think I made an energy grid. From base to top, left to right: the copper and hematite tangle I made, something dark with translucent white spots, blue tiger's eye, red jasper, A MASSIVE LUMP OF HEMATITE, and red tiger's eye(??) banded with black & grey. All I know is it's for Hekate, as are the three candles. I have a hunch the grid has something to do with the path ahead. Forgive the shitty photo.)

(Other objects used, clockwise from bowl: a chestnut, a piece of rose quartz for Guanyin, a clay pendant with a spiral on it I made in gradeschool, serpentite, a glass shard, and an unidentified greyish-purple stone. And a new wand.)

I found a wand today, too. It is carved from Hornbeam, which is a plant I do not believe I have actually seen alive. I spent more money than I intended, but it called to me. The wood is wonderfully pale and smooth. Wikipedia tells me it is nicknamed "ironwood" for its density. According to the description on the tag, "Hornbeam is a lucky wood. It brings good fortune to the bearer. This wood is the bringer of change. It helps promote love and creativity." And, "Hornbeam helps promote creative expression, eloquence, and art of all types. It aids in opening a person up to their full potential." Fitting. I would have chosen it anyway, but...yeah. I could use some change.

Before today, I felt burdened by the expectations of others, and my own unfulfilled wishes. They hung like a huge weight over my head. Now, I feel like things could move soon, in my favor. Maybe it has something to do with giving a little money to the Ganesh statues at the store. That, and I had a good outing with Sunlitgarden today. ^_^ We so rarely get the same days off work, it's a treat to go out and do things together.

Postscript: One more thing. At the Pagan shop, Sunlitgarden, a Bast follower, found an adorable plushy of her Goddess.

(Isn't it the cutest thing?)

With my super serious Hekate image, there was a lot of deity in the car on the drive home!